You Are my Sunshine
by The8thHorcrux77
Summary: Phil has cancer, out of everyone on the planet why did it have to be Phil. These are the thaughts that go trough Dans head every night. But there is always one song left unsung, one verse left unplayed. one note left untuned.


Why? Why does it have to be him? out of every single person in the world, he deserved it the least. There are people out there who kill, people who steal, but he has never done anything to harm any living being, no matter how small, he loves everything and everyone, no matter what they do. So why, why does it have to be Phil. Why did such a horrible thing have to happen to the sweetest soul in the world? Out of everyone why did he have to get cancer?  
Lung cancer to be specific, he has primary lung cancer in both lungs, and the lymph nodes, and was diagnosed with Mesothelioma. We have known for about 5 months now, and he is still being treated, so far with many surgeries, and chemotherapy, but it's not like it has helped at all.  
When he got diagnosed, god how do I describe it? It was like, it was like someone had got a blunt spoon, and drove it into my chest over and over until they reached my heart, then started scooping it out, and mashed with a potato masher and put it back in my body, to put it lightly. I remember it so so clearly, I don't want to, I wish it never happened at all. I was crying more than Phil, actually Phil wasn't crying at all, he was just silent, sitting there like a dummy. And I was next to him, sobbing, and thinking, one day he will go, one day soon. I remember the doctor telling that if the medication doesn't work he will have about 9 months to live. 9 months that's all. So I prayed, I prayed to every religion I could think of, every person I look up to, Fuck I think I even prayed to Jennifer Laurence.  
Of cause we told the fans, not long after we found out, It was one of the hardest videos i've ever filmed, there where so many tears. The comments on that video where so thoughtful, so kind. People telling us how sorry they where, how much they wish it wasn't real, how we will always have a special place in their hearts. But they can't do anything, there all only just words, just lines of pixels on a screen, they can't help us pay for treatment, they can't help Phil get better. They can't help me when he's gone.  
Right now though, I am lying in Phil's arms, it's about 3am, and the man holding me is asleep, ever since we found out, I haven't had a proper nights sleep, sometimes only getting an hour for an entire week, of cause Phil doesn't know, I would never tell him, because he would just worry, And i don't want him to worry, he has so many of his own things to deal with. So instead I lie here, savouring every moment i can get with my lover. He will awake in a few hours, then fall asleep again at about 1pm, then wake up at 4, we will have dinner and go to bed at 9, and the proses repeats again. Of cause I don't mind in the slightest, I am just glad he is still here.  
By 5am I mange to get some sleep, only to wake up 2 hours later to Phil coughing. I sit up instantly, and place a hand on the black haired mans back, and rub softly, he has coughing fits a lot, but every time i still worry. I whisper soothing words to him over and over, until he has stopped coughing, and is now breathing heavily. He leans his head over slightly so it is resting on my chest, his breathing still deep. I rub slow lines up his arms, and pull him close at the same time. "Shh Phil, breathe for me alright, just breath sweetie" I say soothingly, rocking backwards and forwards slightly, my hand now running through his hair. Within five minutes he is sound asleep again, and I stop rocking, sighing deeply.  
Like I predicted he awoke again within the next few hours (9am). We both got out of bed, and he went to the couch, as I made us breakfast. Almost like a drone I open the fridge and grab the milk, fill and boil the kettle, get the box of crunchy nut out of the cupboard, and two bowls and two mugs. I pour the cereal into the bowls, then go and collect the hot water, outing it into the two mugs with tea bags in. Next I get the milk, and firstly pour it into the the cereal, then the tea, expertly grab all four items in my hands and take them out to the living aria, where I find Phil sitting on the couch browsing through Crunchy Roll. I sit down next to him, and pass him his various containers of food and liquid. "How do you feel about re-watching Deathnote?" I hear from beside me. I give a slight nod, and say 'yes' the best I can with a mouth full of cereal.  
As the 2nd episode ended, we have both finished our breakfast. I look over at Phil to see that he is clutching his ribs, and has a pained expression. I leap into action, and grab his shoulders." Phil are you OK? What's wrong?" at this Phil just giggles, and shakes his head a little. "I'm fine Dan, seriously, nothing out of the ordinary, stop worrying to much." This time it's my turn to shake my head. "Phil I'm your Boyfriend, it's my job to worry"  
Suddenly his face lights up in the biggest smile, and he jumps up off the couch and extends his hand to me, while placing the other one behind his back. "Why don't we dance?" he asks. I groan loudly, and throw my head back in disgust. "Dance? really Phil, you know how I feel about dancing!" His face starts to pout, and he pulls out the puppy dog eyes the internet of all to familiar with. "common Dan! Please? You can't have Dance without Dan otherwise it's just a Ce. Common, just one song, let's just finish one song?" I groan again, but take my boyfriends hand, as he pulls me up of out dark grey couch.  
He pulls me close, slipping both of his hands around my back, and resting his head on my shoulder, and I do the same. We start to sway side to side. And then quiet little voice in my ear, It's Phil, singing.  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,  
you make me happy when skies are grey,  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you so please don't take my sunshine away"  
I sigh lovingly, and nuzzle my head feather into his neck, as we continue to sway.  
"You told me once, dear, you really loved me  
And no one else could come between  
But now you've left me and love another  
You have shattered all of my dreams"  
My gaze slowly moves down his frame, passing over his strong chest, his beautiful hips, lanky giraffe legs, and down to his feet, where I see his odd socks. Only Phil could manage to have such a vast sock collection, on one foot are narwhals, and on the other are candy cane, it's not even Christmas! I let out a little giggle, which makes Phil smile as he continues singing quietly.  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine-" Suddenly the singing cuts off, and in its place are violent coughs and wheezes. Phil falls no the floor on his knees, and I drop down next to him, instantly terrified. It doesn't usually get this bad, I start rubbing his back, when a string of red leaves my boyfriends mouth.  
Blood.  
Shit.  
My hand instantly moves to my pocket and I pull out my phone. With shaking fingers, I manage to press the 'Emergency call' button on the home screen, and desperately hold it up to my ear, as it rings, I get an answer almost straight away. "Hello emergency services how can I help"  
I do everything I can to try and keep a steady voice, my eyes plastered on Phil as he falls farther into the ground, now a little red pool of blood below his face. "Yes, My boyfriend has lung cancer and is currently having some sort of coughing fit, and is coughing up blood, please send someone I need help." Of cause sir, can you please tell us your name, the patients name and the address?"  
I quickly tell her the information and hang up the phone by trusting my body not to drop it on the floor, even though that's the least of my worries.  
By the time the ambulance has arrived Phil has passed out, and I am nearly on top of him, trying to wake him by shouting his name, tears plastering and staining my already tear soaked face. One of the paramedics picks me up, and walks me to the front door, and the other two get phil on a stretcher, and carry him down the many many stairs.  
When we all get to the ambulance, the two of us and two of the paramedics are rushed into the back, and Phil is immediately connected to the IV equipment, and had a gas mask on. I can hear the beeping of the heart monitor in the background, as I desperately grab onto my best friends hand, begging, praying that he wakes up, that I get to see those beautiful eyes, the bluey- green colour of them. To see that smile again, the way he likes his tongue out when he smiles, the little adorable laugh, how he brushes his fringe out of his eyes when it falls in front of his face. I might never get to see any of these things again. All around me people are moving, talking, doing who knows what. The only thing I know now is that I can't do anything. no matter the outcome of this, I won't be able to change it. Suddenly through my tears and choking, I start to sing.  
"In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me  
When I awake my poor heart pains  
So when you come back and make me happy  
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame"  
I grasp Phil's hand tighter and clench my eyes shut, wishing, begging, praying, that this ends ok. That we both make it out of this.  
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are gray  
You'll never know dear, how much I love you  
Please don't take my sunshine away"  
Suddenly a horrible blaring beep fills the room, and Phil's words flash in my mind. 'common Dan! Please? You can't have Dance without Dan otherwise it's just a CE. Common, just one song, let's just finish one song?'  
I instantly know what that beep means. It means that my begging and wishing and praying didn't nothing. Nothing at all.  
And then I realise something.  
We never finished the song.


End file.
